{"id":4068,"date":"2014-06-17T03:51:34","date_gmt":"2014-06-16T21:51:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/intelligent-torvalds.74-208-171-134.plesk.page\/?p=4068"},"modified":"2023-09-30T11:03:44","modified_gmt":"2023-09-30T16:03:44","slug":"my-reasons-and-my-reason-part-4","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/?p=4068","title":{"rendered":"My Reasons and My Reason, Part 4"},"content":{"rendered":"

My first dates were all about driving\u2014driving and not killing us, and talking to a girl when I wasn\u2019t driving (and while I was for that matter). Then I met A<\/em>. I\u2019ll call her A<\/em>. Girlfriend<\/em> has a meaning I don\u2019t want to imply, more like wife<\/em>, or concubine<\/em> I suppose. (In most States a girlfriend<\/em> can\u2019t take half of everything a man owns when she leaves him or is sent packing.) My mother had warned me about A<\/em>, how she would seek male affection. A<\/em> had grown up without a father.<\/p>\n

Her mother was divorced, and could never remarry. Today, Jesus\u2019 saying\u2014everyone<\/a> who divorces his wife, except for immorality<\/em> (\u03c0\u03bf\u03c1\u03bd\u03b5\u03af\u03b1\u03c2, a form of \u03c0\u03bf\u03c1\u03bd\u03b5\u03af\u03b1<\/a>), makes her commit adultery<\/a><\/em>\u200e[1]<\/sup><\/a>\u2014sounds to me as if He assumed she would remarry. But then, I understood it as a prohibition. Besides, whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery<\/a><\/em>,[2]<\/sup><\/a> Jesus continued. That pretty much assured her that no one at my church would marry her.\u00a0 Marrying someone \u201coutside of the faith\u201d (someone who believed that a divorced person could remarry) was frowned upon there.<\/p>\n

When I began to squeeze A<\/em>\u2019s breasts and fondle her nipples, I didn\u2019t realize that God might have something against it. At sixteen I don\u2019t recall knowing the word of the Lord <\/em>that came to<\/em> Ezekiel [Table<\/a>] (Ezekiel 23:1-3 NET):<\/p>\n

\u201cSon of man, there were two women who were daughters of the same mother [Table<\/a>]<\/em>. They engaged in prostitution (<\/em>z\u0101n\u00e2,\u00a0\u05d5\u05ea\u05d6\u05e0\u05d9\u05e0\u05d4<\/a>)\u00a0<\/em>in Egypt; in their youth they engaged in prostitution (<\/em>z\u0101n\u00e2,\u00a0\u05d6\u05e0\u05d5<\/a>)<\/em>. Their breasts were squeezed there; lovers fondled their virgin nipples there\u201d [Table<\/a> see\u00a0Addendum<\/a>]<\/em>.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I\u2019m not sure what difference it would have made. I knew that breast squeezing and nipple fondling was frowned upon. I thought that was because it would lead to the sin of premarital sex. As it turned out, A<\/em>\u2019s nipples weren\u2019t so virgin. She and her former boyfriend, a friend of mine from church, had committed the sin of premarital sex. They only did it once. Then they stopped seeing each other and never did it again.<\/p>\n

I enjoyed squeezing A<\/em>\u2019s breasts and fondling her nipples. I think she enjoyed it, too. I found it very hard to believe that I was just a surrogate for the father she didn\u2019t have. It seemed like she really loved me, as me, not as a symbol of something else. It all felt very real. And I was happy and satisfied squeezing her breasts and fondling her nipples. I had no intention of committing the sin of premarital sex. She didn\u2019t want to do that again either.<\/p>\n

At sixteen I didn\u2019t study the Bible. I was flying blind. I read only the minimum that was presented in church services and Sunday school. There were moments when I was in a particularly religious mood that I tried to read more, but then I was in the wrong frame of mind, expecting, hoping that the Bible would confirm and applaud my religiousness. So I didn\u2019t recognize the Lord\u2019s \u1f10\u03b3\u03ba\u03c1\u03ac\u03c4\u03b5\u03b9\u03b1<\/a> standing between A<\/em> and me and the sin of premarital sex.<\/p>\n

I hadn\u2019t heard the fruit of the Spirit. I\u2019m not saying no one ever talked about it. I\u2019m saying I hadn\u2019t heard it yet. I certainly wasn\u2019t taught<\/a> that I was strong, and the word of God resides in <\/em>[me], and<\/em> [I] have conquered the evil one<\/em>.[3]<\/sup><\/a> That would have stood out amidst all the teaching that any contact with a young female would lead inexorably to the sin of premarital sex.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t know a thing about \u1f10\u03b3\u03ba\u03c1\u03ac\u03c4\u03b5\u03b9\u03b1. It was literally \u201call Greek to me.\u201d[4]<\/sup><\/a> I didn\u2019t have a Bible that translated \u1f10\u03b3\u03ba\u03c1\u03ac\u03c4\u03b5\u03b9\u03b1 self-control<\/em>, which I might have related to sexual matters. My Bible read temperance<\/em>. I was sixteen; I didn\u2019t drink. But even if I had considered the fruit of the Spirit<\/em> I would have considered the works I was required to do to please the Spirit of God.<\/p>\n

Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me:[5]<\/sup><\/a> It is<\/em> good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality [KJV, <\/em>to avoid fornication]<\/em>, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.[6]<\/sup><\/a><\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I am fairly sure now that squeezing A<\/em>\u2019s breasts and fondling her nipples qualifies as sexual immorality<\/em> (NKJV). I wasn\u2019t so sure then (nor am I now) that it qualified as fornication<\/em> (KJV). And I sincerely doubt that it qualifies as \u03c0\u03bf\u03c1\u03bd\u03b5\u03af\u03b1\u03c2 (a form of \u03c0\u03bf\u03c1\u03bd\u03b5\u03af\u03b1; translated sexual immorality<\/em> [NKJV] or fornication<\/em> [KJV]). I don\u2019t say this to justify myself but to know God. There is no way that my understanding of \u03c0\u03bf\u03c1\u03bd\u03b5\u03af\u03b1\u03c2 at age sixty can justify my behavior at age sixteen.<\/p>\n

Children,obey your parents in the Lord for this is right<\/em>, was Paul\u2019s understanding of the law: \u201cHonor your father and mother<\/em>,<\/strong>\u201dwhich is the first commandment accompanied by a promise, namely,<\/em> \u201cthat it may go well with you and that you will live a long time on the earth<\/strong><\/em>.\u201d<\/em>[7]<\/sup><\/a> I was clearly disobeying my parents, squeezing A<\/em>\u2019s breasts and fondling her nipples. For the one who obeys<\/a> the whole law but fails<\/a> in one point has become guilty of all of it<\/em>.[8]<\/sup><\/a><\/p>\n

God, for better or worse, has entrusted (or abandoned) children to the mercy of parents. And I don\u2019t say abandoned<\/em> for my sake, but for the many women I know molested as children by their fathers. My childhood was idyllic by comparison. My travails were my struggles to understand biblical words and concepts, my troubles were not understanding them.<\/p>\n

At the same time, however, knowing God is not simply a matter of semantics but a uniquely profound intimacy. Did He intend for me to understand that the two women in the allegory He gave Ezekiel engaged in prostitution in Egypt<\/em> because their breasts were squeezed there; lovers fondled their virgin nipples there<\/em>? Or was the breast squeezing and nipple fondling incidental to engaging in prostitution (z\u00e2n\u00e2h<\/em>)? I have a fairly good idea how pre-modern Jews answered that question:<\/p>\n

Jews in the pre-modern world lived, with few exceptions, in Jewish communities and under the yoke of Jewish tradition and <\/em>halakhah. This affected every aspect of their lives, including sexual relations. As stated above, every sexual act between a man and woman outside marital relations was considered as coming within the definition of prostitution (<\/em>be’ilat zenut), and the rabbis strongly condemned manifestations of sexual license in the Jewish community. Many regulations were issued by the various communities to fight prostitution in all its forms.[9]<\/sup><\/a><\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

If they were correct, then I was guilty of \u03c0\u03bf\u03c1\u03bd\u03b5\u03af\u03b1 when I squeezed A<\/em>\u2019s breasts and fondled her nipples. I was one of the \u03c0\u03cc\u03c1\u03bd\u03bf\u03b9 by definition: Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived! The sexually immoral <\/em>(\u03c0\u03cc\u03c1\u03bd\u03bf\u03b9, a form of \u03c0\u03cc\u03c1\u03bd\u03bf\u03c2<\/a>), idolaters, adulterers, passive homosexual partners, practicing homosexuals, thieves, the greedy, drunkards<\/a>, the verbally abusive, and swindlers will not<\/a> inherit the kingdom of God<\/em>.[10]<\/sup><\/a> Today, forgiven by the grace and mercy of God in Jesus Christ, that verdict against me is bearable. What is too hard to bear, then as now, is that this particular understanding of \u03c0\u03bf\u03c1\u03bd\u03b5\u03af\u03b1 makes a \u03c0\u03cc\u03c1\u03bd\u1fc3<\/a> (prostitute<\/em>) of A<\/em> by definition. My emotional aversion to that gains some spiritual credence if I plug this behavior into Jesus\u2019 statements regarding divorce and \u03c0\u03bf\u03c1\u03bd\u03b5\u03af\u03b1:<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
Matthew 5:32 (NET)<\/td>\nMatthew 19:9<\/a> (NET)<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for \u201cher virgin breasts were squeezed and her nipples fondled,\u201d makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.<\/td>\nNow I say to you that whoever divorces his wife, except<\/a> for \u201cher virgin breasts were squeezed and her nipples fondled,\u201d and marries another commits adultery<\/a>.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

I don\u2019t think any of the women at my church who considered themselves holier than God<\/a> would have called A<\/em> a prostitute<\/em> because I squeezed her breasts and fondled her nipples, though I am fairly sure they considered it sexual immorality<\/em> forbidden by Paul in the Bible. Committing the sin of premarital sex was the primary meaning of fornication<\/em> there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
Matthew 5:32 (NET)<\/td>\nMatthew 19:9 (NET)<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for \u201cthe sin of premarital sex,\u201d makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.<\/td>\nNow I say to you that whoever divorces his wife, except for \u201cthe sin of premarital sex,\u201d and marries another commits adultery.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

This interpretation of \u03c0\u03bf\u03c1\u03bd\u03b5\u03af\u03b1 has some precedent in the practice of the righteous in first century Israel (Matthew 1:18, 19 NET).<\/p>\n

Now the birth of Jesus Christ happened this way. While<\/a> his mother Mary was engaged to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit. Because Joseph, her husband to be, was a righteous man, and because he did not want to disgrace<\/a> her, he intended to divorce her privately [Table<\/a>]<\/em>.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

It seemed plausible that Jesus meant the sin of premarital sex for \u03c0\u03bf\u03c1\u03bd\u03b5\u03af\u03b1\u03c2 (a form of \u03c0\u03bf\u03c1\u03bd\u03b5\u03af\u03b1) as recorded by Matthew, until I considered his law.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
Exodus 22:16, 17 (NKJV)<\/td>\nDeuteronomy 22:28, 29 (NKJV)<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
If a man entices a virgin who is not betrothed, and lies with her, he shall surely pay the bride-price for her\u00a0to be his wife. \u00a0If her father utterly refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money according to the bride-price of virgins.<\/td>\nIf a man finds a young woman who is a virgin, who is not betrothed, and he seizes her and lies with her, and they are found out [Table<\/a>], then the man who lay with her shall give to the young woman\u2019s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife because he has humbled her; he shall not be permitted to divorce her all his days [Table<\/a>].<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

At sixteen when I believed in the sin of premarital sex I thought that A<\/em> and my friend did the right thing by breaking off their relationship. In the light of God\u2019s law however I hear Jesus say, Having no regard for the command of God, you hold fast to human tradition<\/em>\u2026You neatly reject the commandment of God in order to set up your tradition<\/em>.[11]<\/sup><\/a> In others words, to accept the sin of premarital sex as Jesus\u2019 meaning for \u03c0\u03bf\u03c1\u03bd\u03b5\u03af\u03b1\u03c2 in Matthew 5:32 and 19:9 is to liberate young men from any sense of obligation to the young women they seduce or date-rape. (In fact, they were encouraged to send those young women away, to divorce them, that is.) At the same time it offers men a ready excuse to divorce their wives who have been seduced or date-raped, at any time men choose to play that card. Viewed in the context of God\u2019s law the sin of premarital sex sounds like a man-made religious belief with no relationship to the grace of God in Jesus Christ.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t think the people who enacted this legislation intended any of that any more than Caiaphas intended to condemn Yahweh come in human flesh to death. I assume that my religious forbears were shotgun-wedding-type of folk. Without wasting a lot of time tracking down documentary evidence it\u2019s not too difficult to imagine that their children thought that was too harsh or even hypocritical. After all, people should confess their sins and turn from them. (I\u2019ll ignore the timing with a political need to delay baby boomers\u2019 entrance into the labor force as coincidence only.)<\/p>\n

At sixteen I didn\u2019t mistake the Lord\u2019s \u1f10\u03b3\u03ba\u03c1\u03ac\u03c4\u03b5\u03b9\u03b1, keeping A<\/em> and me from the sin of premarital sex, for my own righteousness. I didn\u2019t feel very righteous. Though it\u2019s probably an exaggeration I felt like I was always at odds with my parents over A<\/em>. So I simply discounted the credibility of my counselors, those who assured me that \u201cfamiliarity breeds contempt,\u201d[12]<\/sup><\/a> that was \u201cthat familiarity leads to the sin of premarital sex.\u201d<\/p>\n

I did have a vague sense of an overarching dishonesty to my life. I may have called it hypocrisy<\/em> at times, but I was destined to go much deeper into that hypocrisy before I recognized what it was. In the spring of my junior year of high school after I had turned seventeen, I made a conscious decision to reinvent myself. I moved away from the \u201cstraight\u201d world of my parents, my church, even my friends at school, to turn toward the \u201chip\u201d world. It seemed more honest somehow. And A<\/em> was caught up, and discarded, in that self-reinvention. The tension at home was eased.<\/p>\n

Over the summer I took up with B<\/em>. She was not \u201chip\u201d precisely, but she was an accomplished musician. We enjoyed hours of arty conversations, went to ballets, operas and musicals together. And, fully clothed, we aped all the motions of the missionary position until we both achieved orgasms. We could do it openly in a public park on a Sunday afternoon, surrounded by \u201chip\u201d people who knew exactly what we were doing and blessed and approved it.<\/p>\n

A<\/em> and I had taken it for granted that we would grow up and get married. We talked about it all the time. I didn\u2019t share that with B<\/em>. I\u2019m not sure what she thought about it. She knew that she would go away to school to pursue a music degree. I knew that I already had my sights set on C<\/em>, the young woman who became my high school girlfriend<\/em>\/wife<\/em>\/concubine<\/em> that fall.<\/p>\n

At a party in C\u2019s basement the spring before my junior year ended, I had sat at the bar watching her. She was the queen bee of \u201chip\u201d at school. I found out later she had dropped acid for the first time that night. She had broken up with her boyfriend, a senior. But a couple of other seniors buzzed around her all night. I was nobody, a \u201cstraight,\u201d a \u201chip\u201d wannabe\u2014and a junior.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou must be a real head,\u201d the long-haired guy next to me said as he looked up from his cheap wine.<\/p>\n

Head<\/em> had no negative connotations in my mind at the time. It was the exalted appellation reserved for the long-haired Jesus-like bodhisattvas who ran the head shop. I had short hair! I didn\u2019t know what he was talking about, and said so. As it turned out, he was impressed that I wasn\u2019t drinking (part of \u201cstraight\u201d culture) but was holding out, apparently, for dope (part of \u201chip\u201d culture).<\/p>\n

Looking back now I wonder what more I needed to perceive that \u201chip\u201d culture could be as superficial and status conscious, as \u201cdishonest,\u201d as \u201cstraight\u201d culture. At the time what I heard was a long-haired disciple of the long-haired Jesus-like bodhisattvas saying, Behold an Israelite indeed, in whom is no guile<\/em>[13]<\/sup><\/a>\u2014to me! I was grateful that (so long as I kept my mouth shut) I could be accepted into the kingdom of \u201cheadom\u201d even before I had my bona fides in order. And later that night, after the cops broke up the party, I shared my first joint. It did absolutely nothing for me, except to make what hair I had and my clothes smell funny.<\/p>\n

\n
My\u00a0Reasons and My Reason, Part 5<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Sexual Immorality Revisited, Part 3<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Who Am I? Part 11<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Christianity, Part 11<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\n

<\/a>[1]<\/sup> Matthew 5:32a (NET) Table<\/a><\/p>\n

<\/a>[2]<\/sup> Matthew 5:32b (NET) Table<\/a><\/p>\n

<\/a>[3]<\/sup> 1 John 2:14b (NET)<\/p>\n

<\/a>[4]<\/sup> http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Greek_to_me<\/a><\/p>\n

<\/a>[5]<\/sup> The Stephanus Textus Receptus<\/a> and Byzantine Majority<\/a> Text had \u03bc\u03bf\u03b9<\/a> (KJV: unto me<\/em>) here.\u00a0 The NET parallel Greek<\/a> text and NA28<\/sup><\/a> did not.<\/p>\n

<\/a>[6]<\/sup> 1 Corinthians 7:1, 2 (NKJV) Table<\/a><\/p>\n

<\/a>[7]<\/sup> Ephesians 6:1-3 (NET)<\/p>\n

<\/a>[8]<\/sup> James 2:10 (NET) Table<\/a><\/p>\n

<\/a>[9]<\/sup> http:\/\/www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org\/jsource\/Judaism\/prostitution.html<\/a><\/p>\n

<\/a>[10]<\/sup> 1 Corinthians 6:9, 10 (NET) Table<\/a><\/p>\n

<\/a>[11]<\/sup> Mark 7:8, 9 (NET)<\/p>\n

<\/a>[12]<\/sup> http:\/\/wiki.answers.com\/Q\/Who_said_Familiarity_breeds_contempt<\/a>; \u201cFamiliarity breeds contempt–and children.\u201d http:\/\/www.twainquotes.com\/Familiarity.html<\/a><\/p>\n

<\/a>[13]<\/sup> John 1:47 (KJV)<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My first dates were all about driving\u2014driving and not killing us, and talking to a girl when I wasn\u2019t driving (and while I was for that matter). Then I met A. I\u2019ll call her A. Girlfriend has a meaning I … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2272,2719],"tags":[363,2498,1764,958,2499,2323,2497,419,1711,2500,109,118,120],"class_list":["post-4068","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-my-reasons-and-my-reason","category-section-three","tag-1-corinthians-69-10","tag-1-corinthians-71-2","tag-1-john-214","tag-deuteronomy-2228-29","tag-ephesians-61-3","tag-exodus-2216-17","tag-ezekiel-231-3","tag-james-210","tag-john-147","tag-mark-78-9","tag-matthew-118-19","tag-matthew-199","tag-matthew-532"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4068","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4068"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4068\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22004,"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4068\/revisions\/22004"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4068"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4068"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4068"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}