{"id":508,"date":"2012-06-23T17:53:05","date_gmt":"2012-06-23T11:53:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/intelligent-torvalds.74-208-171-134.plesk.page\/?p=508"},"modified":"2026-05-09T13:43:10","modified_gmt":"2026-05-09T18:43:10","slug":"who-am-i-part-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/?p=508","title":{"rendered":"Who am I? Part 3"},"content":{"rendered":"

Though I knew nothing of Freud<\/a> and his theories about sex and aggression<\/a> at the time<\/a>, I had immediately equated sex and violence.\u00a0 I grew up in a fairly tough blue collar neighborhood.\u00a0 We boys fought all the time, mostly wrestling matches with an occasional blow with a fist, elbow or knee.\u00a0 When we grew older and wrestling matches turned to all-out fist fights, after the first time we witnessed one of our own knocked unconscious, we found other ways to establish dominance (merciless ridicule mostly).\u00a0 Physiologically, sex seemed a lot like the high of fighting, except I didn\u2019t have to be angry.\u00a0 (Of course, boys don\u2019t always fight angrily, either.\u00a0 Sometimes we fought just because we were boys.)<\/p>\n

“So this is what they\u2019ve been trying to keep from me,\u201d I thought.<\/p>\n

I knew why\u2014because God said so.\u00a0 Sex outside of marriage is immoral<\/a>.\u00a0 I began to wonder\u2014for the first time\u2014why did God say no?\u00a0 I felt like a different person.\u00a0 <\/a>Instead of trying to be King Kong<\/a> in the neighborhood, sex seemed to bring out a kinder, gentler me.\u00a0 And in the background, behind this question was another nagging question, when and how would God\u2019s punishment come?<\/p>\n

There was another question that began to emerge.\u00a0 Why was it evil for me to have sex with a girl I loved, and good for me to travel to someone else\u2019s jungle to kill Viet-Cong?\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t asking this question of the people around me, I asked God.\u00a0 And still, there was no punishment for premarital sex.\u00a0 It occurred to me then that maybe God hadn\u2019t punished me because he couldn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

The thought came to me: There are no atheists in foxholes.\u00a0 Was that it? I wondered.<\/p>\n

<\/a>Having fairly regular sex at seventeen made me happier, more confident and alive than I had ever been.\u00a0 I was cocky, you might say.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t feel any great need for God.\u00a0 But if I were about to wet my pants for fear of death in some steamy jungle, well, that would be a different story.\u00a0 It made a lot of sense.\u00a0 Sex was bad, because it was bad for faith in God.\u00a0 War was good, because it was good for faith in God.\u00a0 That\u2019s about the time I prayed and told God I understood his little game and I would beat him at it<\/a>.\u00a0 Still, no punishment came.<\/p>\n

<\/a>I decided that what God said was evil was at least potentially good, and what God said was good was probably generally evil.\u00a0 I was still a suburban, working-class white kid born in the fifties, so I wasn\u2019t particularly adept at making so complete a moral reversal.<\/p>\n

<\/a>The idea of \u201cwater brothers,\u201d for instance, from Robert Heinlein\u2019s<\/a> “Stranger in a Strange Land<\/a>,” was very appealing to me.\u00a0 \u201cWater brothers\u201d were a group of men and women who cared for each other in a semi-communal way and had heterosexual relations as it suited them.\u00a0 The heterosexual only sexual unions seemed like an obvious weakness in the scheme to me.\u00a0 Heinlein was just a little too enamored with God\u2019s moral standards for my taste, but I tried self-consciously to inaugurate a \u201cwater brothers\u201d practice among my small group of high school friends.<\/p>\n

I had my girlfriend\u2019s acquiescence if not her permission\u2014in theory.\u00a0 In practice my first bungled attempt resulted in a complete change of heart\u2014mine.\u00a0 I returned to her quite contrite actually, confessed my sin and asked for her hand in a much more traditional marriage.<\/p>\n

<\/a>Still, no punishment came from God.\u00a0 If he could not punish me to defend his holiness, if his holiness was little more than his own self-interest, maybe he wasn\u2019t God at all.\u00a0 That\u2019s when it hit.\u00a0 Oh my God, he isn\u2019t at all!\u00a0 And he never was.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t happy with the conclusion, but at the time, I couldn\u2019t escape its logic:\u00a0 God did not punish me<\/a> for sin, therefore God was not.<\/p>\n

<\/a>Eventually, my girlfriend had enough of me, and I went into a decline that is such a clich\u00e9, it is too embarrassing to mention in detail.<\/p>\n

<\/a>One night, years later I was visiting my mother.\u00a0 I sat up reading a book by Hal Lindsey<\/a>.\u00a0 It was just sitting there on her coffee table.\u00a0 I don\u2019t even remember the title.\u00a0 The subtitle was \u201ca prophetic odyssey.\u201d\u00a0 For reasons I can no longer recall I assumed that meant it was fiction.\u00a0 The advantage of this misunderstanding was that I didn\u2019t need Hal Lindsey\u2019s account of the end times or his interpretations of the book of Revelation to be true, just plausible.\u00a0 It was a tale of God\u2019s wrath deferred, punishment stored up for the end of time.\u00a0 It gave me hope that the world could look as corrupt and devoid of God as it appeared to me, and yet God might still be there waiting for any who might perchance call upon Him.<\/p>\n

<\/a>I walked to the kitchen and looked out at the graying sky of morning.\u00a0 \u201cIf you\u2019re really out there, I really want to know you,\u201d I prayed.<\/p>\n

<\/a>I didn\u2019t think much of the Gospel then.\u00a0 Been there, done that, I thought.\u00a0 The Gospel just didn\u2019t work out for me.\u00a0 This time I was going to do it right.\u00a0 The objective truth<\/a> of the Bible was irrelevant to me.\u00a0 Its truth was like that of a contract.\u00a0 There were things for me to do and things God would do in exchange.\u00a0 He knew what the contract I held in my hand said, and so could I.\u00a0 I was still pretty cocky.<\/p>\n

<\/a>I felt like the major difference between an Old Testament Israelite and a New Testament believer was that believers went to church on Sunday instead of synagogue on Saturday and had ham for Easter instead of lamb for Passover.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t completely discount the Gospel, I suppose, but I thought it was more for God\u2019s benefit than mine.\u00a0 It seemed like a trick He played on himself, so He could draw near to a screw-up like me without feeling obliged to strike me dead with a lightning bolt<\/a>.\u00a0 I was grateful and all for the second chance, but I believed wholeheartedly it was a second chance for me to prove what I could do for God.<\/p>\n

<\/a>One more thing you should know about me.\u00a0 A song of David, another king of Israel (and Solomon\u2019s father), was preserved in 2 Samuel.\u00a0 A portion of that song, sung to the Lord Jesus<\/a>, goes:\u00a0 You prove to be loyal to one who is faithful; you prove to be trustworthy to one who is innocent.\u00a0 You prove to be reliable to one who is blameless, but you prove to be deceptive to one who is perverse<\/em>.1<\/sup><\/a> I usually appreciate God\u2019s deceptiveness<\/em> (the NIV translates it shrewdness<\/em>, if you prefer) first, before I recognize his reliability, trustworthiness and loyalty.\u00a0 So I assume that I am far more perverse<\/em> (NIV, crooked<\/em>), than I am blameless<\/em>, innocent<\/em> or faithful<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Addendum<\/strong>: 11\/21\/2017 – I just read an article online from the New Republic<\/a>, Charles Manson\u2019s Science Fiction Roots<\/a> by JEET HEER<\/a>.\u00a0 I hadn’t known that Robert Heinlein was friends with L. Ron Hubbard<\/a> or that both were enamored with the teachings of Aleister Crowley<\/a>.\u00a0 Would that knowledge have steered my thinking away from Heinlein’s ideas, I wondered, or moved me closer to the occult?\u00a0 I don’t know.\u00a0 My native materialism has kept me from taking occult knowledge too seriously.<\/p>\n

I’ve been thinking recently how the strange paths of my life have kept me from potentially stranger paths.\u00a0 After I saw Spotlight<\/a> I realized that if I had met those playful, gentle men at twelve I might have become their accomplice and their temptation.\u00a0 I didn’t meet one until I was seventeen (he was not Catholic, by the way)\u00a0or at least I didn’t understand what he wanted from me until I was seventeen, almost eighteen.\u00a0 By then he was too late.\u00a0 No matter how playful or gentle he was, he had nothing on a seventeen-year-old girl.\u00a0 He was disappointed but never came around again.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Addendum<\/strong>: April 22, 2019
\nA table comparing 2 Samuel 22:26, 27<\/a> in the Tanakh and NET, and tables comparing 2 Samuel 22:26<\/a> and 22:27<\/a> in the Septuagint (BLB and Elpenor) follow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n
\n

<\/a>2 Samuel 22:26, 27 (Tanakh)<\/a><\/p>\n<\/td>\n

\n

2 Samuel 22:26, 27 (NET)<\/a><\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

With the merciful Thou dost show Thyself merciful, with the upright man Thou dost show Thyself upright,<\/td>\nYou prove to be loyal to one who is faithful; you prove to be trustworthy to one who is innocent.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
With the pure Thou dost show myself pure; and with the crooked Thou dost show Thyself subtle.<\/td>\nYou prove to be reliable to one who is blameless, but you prove to be deceptive to one who is perverse.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
\n

<\/a>2 Samuel 22:26 (Septuagint BLB)<\/a><\/p>\n<\/td>\n

\n

2 Kings 22:26 (Septuagint Elpenor)<\/a><\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

\u03bc\u03b5\u03c4\u1f70 \u1f41\u03c3\u03af\u03bf\u03c5 \u1f41\u03c3\u03b9\u03c9\u03b8\u03ae\u03c3\u1fc3 \u03ba\u03b1\u1f76 \u03bc\u03b5\u03c4\u1f70 \u1f00\u03bd\u03b4\u03c1\u1f78\u03c2 \u03c4\u03b5\u03bb\u03b5\u03af\u03bf\u03c5 \u03c4\u03b5\u03bb\u03b5\u03b9\u03c9\u03b8\u03ae\u03c3\u1fc3<\/td>\n\u03bc\u03b5\u03c4\u1f70 \u1f41\u03c3\u03af\u03bf\u03c5 \u1f41\u03c3\u03b9\u03c9\u03b8\u03ae\u03c3\u1fc3 \u03ba\u03b1\u1f76 \u03bc\u03b5\u03c4\u1f70 \u1f00\u03bd\u03b4\u03c1\u1f78\u03c2 \u03c4\u03b5\u03bb\u03b5\u03af\u03bf\u03c5 \u03c4\u03b5\u03bb\u03b5\u03b9\u03c9\u03b8\u03ae\u03c3\u1fc3<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\n

2 Reigns 22:26 (NETS)<\/a><\/p>\n<\/td>\n

\n

2 Kings 22:26 (English Elpenor)<\/a><\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

With the devout you will be deemed devout, and with a perfect man you will be deemed perfect,<\/td>\nWith the holy thou wilt be holy, and with the perfect man thou will be perfect,<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
<\/a>2 Samuel 22:27 (Septuagint BLB)<\/a><\/td>\n\n

2 Kings 22:27 (Septuagint Elpenor)<\/a><\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

\u03ba\u03b1\u1f76 \u03bc\u03b5\u03c4\u1f70 \u1f10\u03ba\u03bb\u03b5\u03ba\u03c4\u03bf\u1fe6 \u1f10\u03ba\u03bb\u03b5\u03ba\u03c4\u1f78\u03c2 \u1f14\u03c3\u1fc3 \u03ba\u03b1\u1f76 \u03bc\u03b5\u03c4\u1f70 \u03c3\u03c4\u03c1\u03b5\u03b2\u03bb\u03bf\u1fe6 \u03c3\u03c4\u03c1\u03b5\u03b2\u03bb\u03c9\u03b8\u03ae\u03c3\u1fc3<\/td>\n\u03ba\u03b1\u1f76 \u03bc\u03b5\u03c4\u1f70 \u1f10\u03ba\u03bb\u03b5\u03ba\u03c4\u03bf\u1fe6 \u1f10\u03ba\u03bb\u03b5\u03ba\u03c4\u1f78\u03c2 \u1f14\u03c3\u1fc3 \u03ba\u03b1\u1f76 \u03bc\u03b5\u03c4\u1f70 \u03c3\u03c4\u03c1\u03b5\u03b2\u03bb\u03bf\u1fe6 \u03c3\u03c4\u03c1\u03b5\u03b2\u03bb\u03c9\u03b8\u03ae\u03c3\u1fc3<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\n

2 Reigns 22:27 (NETS)<\/a><\/p>\n<\/td>\n

\n

2 Kings 22:27 (English Elpenor)<\/a><\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

and with the select you will be select, and with the crooked you will be deemed crooked.<\/td>\nand with the excellent thou wilt be excellent, and with the froward thou will be froward.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n
\n
Who Am I? Part 4<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Jedidiah, Part 1<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to What Kind of Carpenter is Jesus? – Introduction<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Is Sin Less Than Sin? Part 2<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Jedidiah, Part 2<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Jedidiah, Part 3<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Romans, Part 16<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Peter’s Way?<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Antichrist, Part 2<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Condemnation or Judgment? – Part 2<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Fear – Exodus, Part 9<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Torture, Part 4<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Romans, Part 51<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to My Reasons and My Reason, Part 5<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Forgiven or Passed Over? Part 1<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Deuteronomy, Part 1<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Romans, Part 61<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Romans, Part 65<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Condemnation or Judgment? – Part 14<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Romans, Part 79<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Paul’s Religious Mind Revisited – Part 2<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Sexual Immorality Revisited, Part 1<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Sexual Immorality Revisited, Part 2<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to To Make Holy, Part 3<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Sexual Immorality Revisited, Part 3<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to My Reasons and My Reason, Part 8<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Hypocrisy<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Atonement, Part 1<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Father, Forgive Them – Part 4<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Cobwebs<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to A Monotonous Cycle Revisited, Part 2<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Who Am I? Part 9<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Who Am I? Part 10<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Hannah’s Prayer, Part 3<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Paul’s OT Quotes – Romans 10:18-21<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Father, Forgive Them – Part 6<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to A Shadow of the Good Things, Part 5<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Fear – Deuteronomy, Part 3<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Patterns of Evidence: Exodus<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Who Am I? Part 13<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Peter’s Second Gospel Proclamation, Part 2<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Isaiah 53:10-12, Part 8<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to The New Covenant, Part 1<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to The New Covenant, Part 2<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to The Book of Life, Part 1<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Christianity, Part 10<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Who Am I? Part 14<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Christianity, Part 13<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to \u03b1\u1f50\u03c4\u03bf\u1fe6 and \u1f11\u03b1\u03c5\u03c4\u03bf\u1fe6, Part 1<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Keep Yourselves From Idols, Part 2<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Christ-Centered Preaching, Chapter 4, Part 3<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Matthew 8:23-34<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Exploration, Part 11<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to 3 John, Part 2<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Justice and Mercy Revisited, Part 1<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Justice and Mercy Revisited, Part 3<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Justice and Mercy Revisited, Part 5<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\n
\n

1<\/sup><\/a> 2 Samuel 22:26-27 (NET)<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Though I knew nothing of Freud and his theories about sex and aggression at the time, I had immediately equated sex and violence.\u00a0 I grew up in a fairly tough blue collar neighborhood.\u00a0 We boys fought all the time, mostly … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,15],"tags":[404],"class_list":["post-508","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-what-kind-of-carpenter-is-jesus","category-who-am-i","tag-2-samuel-2226-27"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/508","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=508"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/508\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":29745,"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/508\/revisions\/29745"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=508"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=508"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=508"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}