{"id":8910,"date":"2017-12-10T22:43:39","date_gmt":"2017-12-10T16:43:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/intelligent-torvalds.74-208-171-134.plesk.page\/?p=8910"},"modified":"2022-08-30T12:34:33","modified_gmt":"2022-08-30T17:34:33","slug":"my-reasons-and-my-reason-part-8","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/?p=8910","title":{"rendered":"My Reasons and My Reason, Part 8"},"content":{"rendered":"

Considering walking in the light<\/a> led me back here to try to bring this series of essays to some sort of conclusion.\u00a0 Much as I might like something more definitive, this\u2014like the rest of my life\u2014will be more in-process.\u00a0 But it highlights the advantage of taking notes by writing essays.<\/p>\n

<\/a>While it was probably good for me to type out Scripture verses and passages (copy and paste came later) and salutary to suspend my own judgments until a sufficient quantity of God\u2019s own thoughts had washed over and through me, the notes that resulted from this exercise were simply typed lists of Scripture passages bound together only by the Greek or Hebrew word they shared.\u00a0 Though it shaped my understanding of the Greek or Hebrew word in question, once the meaning of the exercise dimmed in memory my notes didn\u2019t help me recall it.\u00a0 Writing essays forces me to translate the gestalt that forms from word studies into a linear pattern of words, phrases, sentences and paragraphs that I can return to again and again as new patterns emerge.<\/p>\n

<\/a>This essay begins for all practical purposes with my divorce from my second wife (third wife if you\u2019re willing to count my high school girlfriend).\u00a0 One of the reasons<\/a> she divorced me was stated: \u201cI don\u2019t like your sexuality.\u00a0 And when I do, I don\u2019t like myself.\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019m persuaded a decade or so later\u2014knowing we get along just fine now that sex and living together are off the table\u2014that it wasn\u2019t female emotional-speak, when a man should hear the emotion conveyed by the words rather than their literal content.\u00a0 She was a poet, speaking content and feeling in a few precise words.\u00a0 When I heard them I became the submissive sadist<\/a> who had goaded her into a discomforting situation.<\/p>\n

<\/a>I was under the most extreme emotional duress, rejected again by another wife after having been accepted (including my masochistic sexuality).\u00a0 I had believed she was God\u2019s gift to me, that He had given me the desire of my heart<\/a> and He was about to take that gift away, albeit through my inability to please<\/a> a wife.\u00a0 I don’t expect that He will ever taunt<\/a> Satan with words like, Have you considered my servant<\/em> Dan?\u00a0 There is no one like him on the earth, a pure and upright man, one who fears God and turns away from evil<\/em>.[1]<\/sup><\/a>\u00a0 I was in no shape to say\u00a0blessed be the name of the Lord.<\/em>[2]<\/sup><\/a>\u00a0 That was accomplished entirely by the Holy Spirit.\u00a0 He flooded Paul\u2019s definition of love back into my mind (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a NET):<\/p>\n

Love is patient, love is kind, it is not envious.\u00a0 Love does not brag, it is not puffed up. \u00a0It is not rude, it is not self-serving, it is not easily angered or resentful. \u00a0It is not glad about injustice, but rejoices in the truth. \u00a0It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. \u00a0Love never ends.\u00a0 \u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

That\u2019s not to say that it had ever left entirely.\u00a0 To Love the Lord your God with all your heart<\/a>, with all your soul<\/a>, and with all your mind<\/em><\/strong>[3]<\/sup><\/a> and to Love your neighbor as yourself<\/em><\/strong>,[4]<\/sup><\/a> it\u2019s nice to know what love <\/em>is.\u00a0 But under extreme emotional duress Paul\u2019s definition became my mantra.<\/p>\n

The obvious advantage of this is that Paul\u2019s definition of love coincides absolutely with the fruit of the Holy Spirit: the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control<\/em>[5]<\/sup><\/a> He is ever-producing in the believer, like a fountain of water springing up to eternal life<\/em>.[6]<\/sup><\/a>\u00a0 Jesus stood up and shouted out, \u201cIf anyone is thirsty, let him come to me, and let the one who believes in me drink. \u00a0Just as the scripture says, <\/em>\u2018From within him<\/em><\/strong> will flow rivers of living water<\/em><\/strong>.\u2019\u201d[7]<\/sup><\/a>\u00a0 And whatever the flow rate in ordinary times I\u2019m convinced He increases it in times of duress, emotional or otherwise.<\/p>\n

<\/a>Though I was completely wrong the first time I was divorced to think that I could love like God and fulfill the law by turning Paul\u2019s definition of love into rules<\/a> I would obey in my own strength, the Holy Spirit was not wrong to make that definition my mantra.\u00a0 It reminds me of another mantra from the movie The Patriot<\/a>.<\/p>\n

It comes at the turning point<\/a> for widower and war veteran Benjamin Martin (Mel Gibson<\/a>). \u00a0He has avoided being dragged back into war until now.\u00a0 He and his two younger sons Nathan (Trevor Morgan<\/a>) and Samuel (Bryan Chafin<\/a>) prepare an ambush for the Redcoats who have captured his eldest son Gabriel (Heath Ledger<\/a>).\u00a0 \u201cWhat did I tell you fellas about shooting,\u201d Benjamin asks his obviously frightened young sons.\u00a0 \u201cAim small, miss small,\u201d they respond in unison.\u00a0 Benjamin prays, \u201cLord make me fast and accurate.\u201d\u00a0 Nathan repeats \u201caim small, miss small\u201d as a mantra to steady his breathing.<\/p>\n

When I consider sin as a missing of the mark,[8]<\/sup><\/a> \u201caim small, miss small\u201d has a lot to do with how Paul\u2019s definition of love worked as a mantra of righteousness.\u00a0 A bit of impatience with God or my wife was a long way from atheism or murder. \u00a0Aiming at kindness kept the worst of my bitter diatribes at bay.\u00a0 A little envy did not lead to adultery.\u00a0 None of these small misses were quite as devastating as missing the absolutes of God\u2019s law.\u00a0 Paul\u2019s definition of love may well be the God-ordained hedge<\/a> about the law working in consonance with the fruit of the Holy Spirit.<\/p>\n

Still, here I am with a desire for that combination of humiliation, pain and pleasure called masochism<\/em>.\u00a0 Now, admittedly, I have no desire for missionary-position sex with somebody\u2019s grandmother.\u00a0 Maybe this is the way sexual desire dies, most kinky last.\u00a0 I don\u2019t honestly know.\u00a0 But it leads me aside here to another consideration.<\/p>\n

Paul wrote believers in Rome (Romans 8:12-14 NET):<\/p>\n

So then, brothers and sisters, we are under obligation, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh (for if you live according to the flesh, you will die), but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body you will live. \u00a0For all who are led by the Spirit of God are the sons of God.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The Greek word translated you put to death<\/em> was \u03b8\u03b1\u03bd\u03b1\u03c4\u03bf\u1fe6\u03c4\u03b5 (a form of \u03b8\u03b1\u03bd\u03b1\u03c4\u03cc\u03c9<\/a>).\u00a0 I\u2019ve been frustrated at times not knowing how to behead, stab, shoot or poison the practices of the body<\/em> (\u03c0\u03c1\u1f71\u03be\u03b5\u03b9\u03c2<\/a> \u03c4\u03bf\u1fe6 \u03c3\u1f7d\u03bc\u03b1\u03c4\u03bf\u03c2), as distinguished from the works of the flesh<\/a> <\/em>(\u1f14\u03c1\u03b3\u03b1 \u03c4\u1fc6\u03c2 \u03c3\u03b1\u03c1\u03ba\u1f79\u03c2).\u00a0 In the past believers tried asceticism<\/a>.\u00a0 Today psychology<\/a> is all the rage.\u00a0 But I think that \u03b8\u03b1\u03bd\u03b1\u03c4\u03bf\u1fe6\u03c4\u03b5 is a bit more passive than its English translation may seem.<\/p>\n

Brother will hand over<\/em> (\u03a0\u03b1\u03c1\u03b1\u03b4\u1f7d\u03c3\u03b5\u03b9, a form of \u03c0\u03b1\u03c1\u03b1\u03b4\u03af\u03b4\u03c9\u03bc\u03b9<\/a>) brother to death<\/em>, Jesus prophesied, and a father his child. \u00a0Children will rise against parents and have them put to death<\/em> (\u03b8\u03b1\u03bd\u03b1\u03c4\u1f7d\u03c3\u03bf\u03c5\u03c3\u03b9\u03bd, another form of \u03b8\u03b1\u03bd\u03b1\u03c4\u03cc\u03c9).[9]<\/sup><\/a>\u00a0 Here \u03b8\u03b1\u03bd\u03b1\u03c4\u1f7d\u03c3\u03bf\u03c5\u03c3\u03b9\u03bd was associated with \u03a0\u03b1\u03c1\u03b1\u03b4\u1f7d\u03c3\u03b5\u03b9, \u201cto give into the hands (of another).\u201d\u00a0 The brother, the father and the children would not kill directly but surrender their victims to another authority.\u00a0 And I think that pattern holds.<\/p>\n

The chief priests and the whole Sanhedrin were trying to find false testimony against Jesus so that they could put him to death<\/em> (\u03b8\u03b1\u03bd\u03b1\u03c4\u1f7d\u03c3\u03c9\u03c3\u03b9\u03bd, another form of \u03b8\u03b1\u03bd\u03b1\u03c4\u03cc\u03c9).[10]<\/sup><\/a>\u00a0 When it was early in the morning, all the chief priests and the elders of the people plotted against Jesus to execute<\/em> (\u03b8\u03b1\u03bd\u03b1\u03c4\u1ff6\u03c3\u03b1\u03b9, another form of \u03b8\u03b1\u03bd\u03b1\u03c4\u03cc\u03c9) him<\/em>.[11]<\/sup><\/a>\u00a0 But when it got right down to it the chief priests and elders handed him over<\/em> (\u03c0\u03b1\u03c1\u1f73\u03b4\u03c9\u03ba\u03b1\u03bd, another form of \u03c0\u03b1\u03c1\u03b1\u03b4\u03af\u03b4\u03c9\u03bc\u03b9) to Pilate the governor<\/em>.[12]<\/sup><\/a>\u00a0 Even Pilate handed him over<\/em> (\u03c0\u03b1\u03c1\u1f73\u03b4\u03c9\u03ba\u03b5\u03bd, another form of \u03c0\u03b1\u03c1\u03b1\u03b4\u03af\u03b4\u03c9\u03bc\u03b9) [to others] to be crucified<\/em>.[13]<\/sup><\/a>\u00a0 I am to put to death the<\/em> [practices[14]<\/sup><\/a>] of the body by the Spirit <\/em>(\u03c0\u03bd\u03b5\u1f7b\u03bc\u03b1\u03c4\u03b9, a form of \u03c0\u03bd\u03b5\u1fe6\u03bc\u03b1<\/a>, dative case<\/a>).<\/p>\n

If I leave the killing to God, suddenly his beyond intimate knowledge<\/a> of me as an individual is comforting rather than a threat.\u00a0 Let the Creator and Lover of my soul perform the spiritual equivalent of neurosurgery in his own time with his own steady hand.\u00a0 My part is to hand the practices of the body over to Him.\u00a0 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are the sons of God<\/em>.<\/p>\n

I do, however, recognize another desire of my heart, a desire to do word studies in the Bible to know the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom<\/em> [He has] sent<\/em>.[15]<\/sup><\/a>\u00a0 When I spent countless hours typing Scripture passages, or even copying and pasting them, though I wanted and needed to do it, I felt guilty about all the time I \u201cwasted.\u201d\u00a0 I should have been making money or music or doing something \u201cgood.\u201d\u00a0 What I\u2019ve learned from all that I\u2019ve suffered is that studying God\u2019s word is<\/em> doing something good.<\/p>\n

Now I have more time off from work than I can actually afford.\u00a0 Bible study is not only good for me and the thing I look most forward to being off work to do, it is the most economical way to spend idle time.\u00a0 Also, it is time spent when every inclination of the thoughts of<\/em> [my mind] is not only evil <\/em>(ra\u02bd<\/em>, \u05e8\u05e2<\/a>) all the time<\/em>.[16]<\/sup><\/a>\u00a0 Yes, I have learned a more circumspect<\/a> view of who and what I am now, as well as my own capacity for doing good (apart from being led by the Holy Spirit).\u00a0 Why do you call me good?<\/em> Jesus asked the \u1f04\u03c1\u03c7\u03c9\u03bd<\/a>.\u00a0 No one is good except God alone<\/em>.[17]<\/sup><\/a><\/p>\n

Of course He chooses which of the desires (mish\u02bc\u00e2l\u00e2h<\/em>, \u05de\u05e9\u05d0\u05dc\u05ea<\/a>; Septuagint<\/a>: \u03b1\u1f30\u03c4\u1f75\u03bc\u03b1\u03c4\u03b1, a form of \u03b1\u1f34\u03c4\u03b7\u03bc\u03b1<\/a>) of my heart (l\u00eab<\/em>, \u05dc\u05d1\u05da<\/a>; Septuagint<\/a>: \u03ba\u03b1\u03c1\u03b4\u1f77\u03b1\u03c2, a form of \u03ba\u03b1\u03c1\u03b4\u03af\u03b1<\/a>) to grant and which to kill.\u00a0 The heart<\/em> (l\u00eab<\/em>, \u05d4\u05dc\u05d1; Septuagint<\/a>: \u03ba\u03b1\u03c1\u03b4\u1f77\u03b1) is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?\u00a0 I the LORD<\/em> (ye<\/sup>h\u00f4v\u00e2h<\/em>, \u05d9\u05d4\u05d5\u05d4<\/a>) search the heart<\/em> (l\u00eab<\/em>, \u05dc\u05d1; Septuagint<\/a>: \u03ba\u03b1\u03c1\u03b4\u1f77\u03b1\u03c2, a form of \u03ba\u03b1\u03c1\u03b4\u1f77\u03b1), I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings<\/em>.[18]<\/sup><\/a><\/p>\n

If I\u2019m honest about it, almost the last thing I would desire now is a wife to disrupt my Bible study routine.\u00a0 So, unless I plan to attempt a biblical justification for hiring a dominatrix, my masochism will just have to wither away.\u00a0 Though I failed<\/a> to find a definitive \u201cmasochism is sin\u201d[19]<\/sup><\/a> in Scripture I think my life has demonstrated that for me at least masochism is not beneficial<\/a> <\/em>(\u03c3\u03c5\u03bc\u03c6\u1f73\u03c1\u03b5\u03b9, a form of \u03c3\u03c5\u03bc\u03c6\u03ad\u03c1\u03c9<\/a>).\u00a0 And I\u2019ve spent the better part of a lifetime coming even to that tentative conclusion.\u00a0 I can certainly afford to be a little patient with the sexual obsessions of others.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve written<\/a> about Chad Allen<\/a> before and won\u2019t repeat it here.\u00a0 The love and grace he demonstrated toward his accusers as producer and actor of Save Me<\/a> deeply affected me and I loved him, though we had never met.\u00a0 \u201cThe final thing the movie did for me was introduce me to the Gay Christian Network<\/a>,\u201d I wrote<\/a>.<\/p>\n

While not untrue it was perhaps misleading since the Gay Christian Network was nothing more than the Scriptural musings of Justin Lee<\/a> to me.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t always agree with Mr. Lee’s conclusions but his process gave me confidence that the Holy Spirit would work in anyone pursuing God through his word that way.\u00a0 Now that he has moved on to other endeavors<\/a> the Gay Christian Network became the writings of Isaac Archuleta<\/a> to me.\u00a0 I admit to being somewhat less sanguine about his more psychological<\/a> approach.<\/p>\n

So, can I live in a world where my heart\u2019s desire to do word studies in the Bible is granted while my heart\u2019s desire to enjoy hot, kinky sex with a loving wife is strangled?\u00a0 The simple answer is no\u2014not on my own, not apart from the fruit of the Holy Spirit.\u00a0 This brings me back to Habakkuk.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t describe the fruit of the spirit as a river or a fountain of living water but as the feet of a deer<\/em> (Habakkuk 3:17-19 NIV):<\/p>\n

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.\u00a0 The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights (NASB:<\/em> And makes me walk on my high places).<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

<\/a>As a coda to this essay: My eighty-six-year-old mother fell again and broke her arm.\u00a0 My ex-wife is staying with her until I can get there.<\/p>\n

\n
Back to Jedidiah, Part 2<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to Fear – Deuteronomy, Part 11<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
Back to The New Covenant, Part 2<\/em><\/a><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\n

<\/a>[1]<\/sup> Job 1:8 (NET)<\/p>\n

<\/a>[2]<\/sup> Job 1:21b (KJV)<\/a><\/p>\n

<\/a>[3]<\/sup> Matthew 22:37 (NET) Table<\/a><\/p>\n

<\/a>[4]<\/sup> Matthew 22:39 (NET)<\/p>\n

<\/a>[5]<\/sup> Galatians 5:22, 23 (NET)<\/p>\n

<\/a>[6]<\/sup> John 4:14b (NET)<\/p>\n

<\/a>[7]<\/sup> John 7:37b, 38 (NET)<\/p>\n

<\/a>[8]<\/sup> Greek: \u1f01\u03bc\u03b1\u03c1\u03c4\u03ac\u03bd\u03c9<\/a>; Hebrew: ch\u00e2\u1e6d\u00e2\u02bc<\/em> (\u05d7\u05b8\u05d8\u05b8\u05d0<\/a>)<\/p>\n

<\/a>[9]<\/sup> Matthew 10:21 (NET)<\/p>\n

<\/a>[10]<\/sup> Matthew 26:59 (NET)<\/p>\n

<\/a>[11]<\/sup> Matthew 27:1 (NET)<\/p>\n

<\/a>[12]<\/sup> Matthew 27:2b (NET)<\/p>\n

<\/a>[13]<\/sup> Matthew 27:26b (NET)<\/p>\n

<\/a>[14]<\/sup> \u03c0\u03c1\u1f71\u03be\u03b5\u03b9\u03c2 (a form of \u03c0\u03c1\u1fb6\u03be\u03b9\u03c2) is from the verb \u03c0\u03c1\u03ac\u03c3\u03c3\u03c9<\/a>, \u201cto \u2018practise\u2019, that is, perform repeatedly or habitually.\u201d\u00a0 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may be paid back according to what he has done<\/em> (\u1f14\u03c0\u03c1\u03b1\u03be\u03b5\u03bd, a form of \u03c0\u03c1\u03ac\u03c3\u03c3\u03c9) while in the body, whether good or evil<\/em> (2 Corinthians 5:10 NET).<\/p>\n

<\/a>[15]<\/sup> John 17:3b (NET)<\/p>\n

<\/a>[16]<\/sup> Genesis 6:5b (NET)<\/p>\n

<\/a>[17]<\/sup> Luke 18:19 (NET)<\/p>\n

<\/a>[18]<\/sup> Jeremiah 17:9, 10 (Tanakh)<\/p>\n

<\/a>[19]<\/sup> I might try again at another time with a word study of \u1f00\u03c3\u03ad\u03bb\u03b3\u03b5\u03b9\u03b1<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Considering walking in the light led me back here to try to bring this series of essays to some sort of conclusion.\u00a0 Much as I might like something more definitive, this\u2014like the rest of my life\u2014will be more in-process.\u00a0 But … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2272,3833],"tags":[959,415,2339,4125,4124,4116,4126,222,3321,4119,2332,4122,4117,4118,3862,3867,4123,3903,4120,4115,4121],"class_list":["post-8910","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-my-reasons-and-my-reason","category-section-four","tag-1-corinthians-134-8","tag-galatians-522-23","tag-genesis-65","tag-habakkuk-317-19","tag-jeremiah-179-10","tag-job-121","tag-job-18","tag-john-173","tag-john-414","tag-john-737-38","tag-luke-1819","tag-matthew-1021","tag-matthew-2237","tag-matthew-2239","tag-matthew-2659","tag-matthew-271","tag-matthew-272","tag-matthew-2726","tag-movies-the-patriot","tag-psalm-374","tag-romans-812-14"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8910","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8910"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8910\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":19390,"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8910\/revisions\/19390"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8910"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8910"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/religiousmind.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8910"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}