I shared the first essay of this series with two friends.  Both preferred the judgment focus of my Pastor’s sermon, what I called “an invitation to do-it-yourself religion.”^[1]  To one it was a desirable limit to “grace,” which was seen as a come on to an open-ended commitment to do whatever a preacher says.  The other saw it as the only path to righteousness since “grace” is just an excuse for indulging whatever sins one wants and then saying, “I’m sorry,” at the end to get into heaven (i.e., to avoid hell).  The unifying thread between these two beliefs is the current understanding of the grace of God.

When I think, speak or write about grace what I mean at the very least is the power to become the righteousness of God.  God made the one who did not know sin to be sin for us, so that in him we would become the righteousness of God.^[2]  In practical terms I think we become the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ, receiving his indwelling Holy Spirit and walking in the continuous supply of his own love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.^[3]

My Pastor objected to the word power for grace.  The connection to grace is made for me when Paul asked the Lord three times about [a thorn in the flesh], that [this messenger of Satan] would depart from [him]:^[4]  But [the Lord] said to me, “My grace (χάρις) is enough for you, for my power (δύναμις) is made perfect in weakness.”  So then, I will boast most gladly about my weaknesses, so that the power (δύναμις) of Christ may reside in me.^[5]

I’ve grown up around people who feel that saying too much about the Holy Spirit robs Jesus of some of his glory.  Jesus said (John 16:7-14 ESV):

Nevertheless, I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I^[6] do not go away, the Helper will not come to you.  But if I go, I will send him to you.  And when he comes, he will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment: concerning sin, because they do not believe in me; concerning righteousness, because I go to the^[7] Father, and you will see me no longer;^[8] concerning judgment, because the ruler of this world is judged.

“I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now.  When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears^[9] he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come.  He will glorify me, for he will take what is mine and declare it to you [Table].

In the story of the raising of Lazarus Jesus hints at a proximity effect to his grace: Then Jesus told them plainly, “Lazarus has died, and I am glad for your sake that I was not there, so that you may believe.”^[10]  “Lord, if you had been here, Martha seems to confirm this proximity effect, my brother would not have died [Table].  But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will grant you.”^[11]  At the risk of angering hardcore Trinitarians the Holy Spirit is Jesus omnipresent, Jesus without a proximity effect, Jesus unleashed throughout all space and time.

Here, too, my Pastor objected to my description of the Holy Spirit citing Jesus’ words: Then I will ask the Father, and he will give you another (ἄλλον, a form of ἄλλος) Advocate to be with you forever.^[12]  I asked whether—If anyone loves me, he will obey my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and take up residence with him^[13]—should be understood as “over and above” the indwelling Holy Spirit.  He said, no, and settled on the word through.  So, I’ll amend my original statement: Through his Holy Spirit Jesus is omnipresent, without a proximity effect, unleashed throughout all space and time.

A more expansive definition of grace is God so loved…that He gave.  Now we have not received the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may know the things that are freely given (χαρισθέντα, a form of χαρίζομαι) to us by God.^[14]  For this is the way God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son.^[15]  Ultimately Jesus is the grace of God.

My faith needs some of the nuts and bolts, how Jesus is the grace of God to me.  And here again Paul associated power with the grace that is Jesus: I pray that according to the wealth of his glory [the Father] will grant you to be strengthened (κραταιωθῆναι, a form of κραταιόω) with power (δυνάμει, a form of δύναμις) through his Spirit in the inner person [Table], that Christ will dwell in your hearts through faith.^[16]

I want to consider this grace of God and the new covenant in the light of my own experience as the types of ground Jesus described in the parable of the Sower (Matthew 13:1-9).  The first type of ground He described was the path (Matthew 13:19 NET).

When anyone hears the word about the kingdom and does not understand (συνιέντος, a form of συνίημι) it, the evil one comes and snatches what was sown in his heart; this is the seed sown along the path.

This describes me fairly accurately from about five years old to seventeen.  When I said a sinner’s prayer to escape hell, I meant that I disobeyed my parents sometimes.  I was many years and a considerable psychic distance from acknowledging that I was from [my] father the devil, and [I] want to do what [my] father desires.^[17]  I was like those who loved the darkness rather than the light because their deeds were evil.  For everyone who does evil deeds hates the light and does not come to the light, so that their deeds will not be exposed.^[18]

I didn’t know my deeds were evil.  Quite the contrary, I resented anyone who called what I wanted “evil.”  “What I wanted” was the epitome of righteousness in my mind, though I would not have used the term.  I realized as I grew that what adults called righteousness was often not anything I wanted at all.

I don’t recall ever hearing Jesus’ saying—You people are from your father the devil, and you want to do what your father desires—as if it applied to me.  It was relatively recently that I realized He spoke to those…who had believed him.^[19]  It was relatively recently that I recognized this saying as one of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven.^[20]  I was like one of the outsiders who heard most of Jesus’ sayings as parables: Although they see they do not see, and although they hear they do not hear nor do they understand (συνίουσιν, another form of συνίημι).^[21]

This period of my life, being the path, came to an end when I chose to be an atheist.  For a time I actively opted out of being any kind of soil for the seed of God’s word.  Even if I have treated it like some sort of necessity in these essays, atheism was not a foregone conclusion.  I had an alternative at seventeen.

I was driven back to the Bible when God didn’t punish me for the “sin of premarital sex.”  But I rejected the Bible if it didn’t agree with what I “knew” it was supposed to say from years of church and Sunday school, when I was the path, one who heard about the kingdom but didn’t understand it, one who whatever he heard was snatched away by the evil one.

I didn’t realize I was that kind of ground at the time.  There was a tacit assumption among those I knew that the three types of ground that didn’t produce consistent fruit were destined for the lake of fire.  I had said a sinner’s prayer to Jesus to avoid hell.  I was, therefore, good ground by definition.

I have described my time as an atheist as a “decline that is such a cliché, it is too embarrassing to mention in detail.”^[22]  There was an upside to becoming a cliché: I could no longer imagine myself to be the unique individual courageously forging my own path into the unknown.  My path was well known and well-worn, most notably well known in the Bible, not that I acknowledged that consciously at the time.

My flirtation^[23] with atheism ended when I prayed, “If you’re really out there, I really want to know you.”^[24]  Though I had an immediate hunger for the Bible from that moment on, I didn’t study the Bible to know…the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom [He] sent.^[25]  I studied to know the rules to obey to keep my end of the bargain.

When I mentioned this to my Pastor, he thought it was a good way to start.  For me it was possibly the only way to start.  But I can’t help wondering: what if I had believed Jesus saying that I was from my father the devil and wanted to do what my father desired?  What if I had let his words create a healthy skepticism in me about those desires and thoughts, those feelings and reasons that came “naturally” to my heart and mind?  What if I had taken Him at his word at five or ten or twenty or even forty-years-old rather than compelling Him to prove to me for sixty-five years that I was from my father the devil and wanted to do what my father desired?

Would it have helped me believe that his grace was enough for me? Could it have shortened the time I spent as the next type of ground Jesus described (Matthew 13:20, 21 NET)?

The seed sown on rocky ground is the person who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy.  But he has no root in himself and does not endure; when trouble or persecution comes because of the word, immediately he falls away.

This ground describes me between the ages of twenty-three and forty-three.  As I searched the Bible for rules to obey to keep my part of the contract and then disobeyed them anyway, I heard Paul’s lament (Romans 7:22-24 NET):

For I delight in the law of God in my inner being.  But I see a different law in my members waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that is in my members [Table].  Wretched man that I am!  Who will rescue me from this body of death?

Paul believed that Jesus had rescued him: Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!^[26]  I didn’t understand how at first, even though I was more curious than I had ever been before.  Though now I might be more inclined to translate χάρις δὲ τῷ θεῷ διὰ Ἰησοῦ Χριστοῦ τοῦ κυρίου ἡμῶν^[27] “grace from God through Jesus Christ our Lord” and while I might appreciate more now that Paul may have given a very direct answer to his own rhetorical question, I wouldn’t have understood it any better then.  I didn’t know God or his grace—not yet.

Twenty years of springing up with joy only to fall away again, twenty years of being picked up, dusted off and put back together by Jesus one more time, slowly began to teach me to know Him and his grace.  Paul wrote to Timothy (2 Timothy 2:11-13 NET):

This saying is trustworthy: If we died with him, we will also live with him.  If we endure, we will also reign with him.  If we deny^[28] him, he will also deny us.  If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful, since^[29] he cannot (οὐ δύναται) deny himself.

Sometimes when I tell this story people want to credit me for continuing to study the Bible over those twenty years.  I also ate food over that time, whenever I was hungry.  Granted, eating food was instrumental in keeping me alive, but the hunger comes from God as did the food.  Eventually, I began to understand that the one bringing forth in [me] both the desire and the effort—for the sake of his good pleasure—is God.^[30]

The Greek words translated desire and effort were not nouns but infinitive verbs: θέλειν (a form of θέλω) and ἐνεργεῖν (a form of ἐνεργέω).  Eventually, I was able to make this connection to the hunger, the food and the eating.  The hunger, θέλειν, and the food, the Bible, are from God.  The eating, doing his will, ἐνεργεῖν, becoming the righteousness of God in Him, is the outcome of his grace.  And eventually I trusted Him and his grace more than I trusted myself—good ground at last?

Jesus continued (Matthew 13:22 NET):

The seed sown among thorns is the person who hears the word, but worldly^[31] cares and the seductiveness of wealth choke the word, so it produces nothing.

This type of ground characterizes me from about forty-four years of age to perhaps fifty-three.  I got a fulltime job again with a steady paycheck.  I married a woman with two children.  I left all the “spiritual stuff” to the grace of God while I attended to more mundane matters.  This period of my life ended when my wife divorced me.

So from about the age of fifty-four to the present, sixty-eight, have I finally become what Jesus called good soil (Matthew 13:23 NET)?

But as for the seed sown on good soil,^[32] this is the person who hears the word and understands^[33] (συνιείς, another form of συνίημι).  He bears fruit, yielding a hundred, sixty, or thirty times what was sown.”

Who knows?  I can’t even imagine how to measure such a thing.  My Pastor treated these measurements like ordinary agricultural yields.  And he’s right.

If I think of a kernel of corn (maize) growing to maturity, one ear of corn would easily be thirty times what was sown.  When I think about the time and attention, the forgiveness and patience, the mercy and grace the Lord has lavished upon me, what I share with others is a tiny fraction rather than a multiple.

I planted, Paul wrote the Corinthians, Apollos watered, but God caused it to grow (ἠύξανεν, a form of αὐξάνω).^[34]  After all we’ve been through together I can trust Him with that growth.

Tables comparing John 16:7; 16:10; 2 Timothy 2:12, 13; Matthew 13:22 and 13:23 in the NET and KJV follow.

Addendum: February 6, 2022
I can’t say that a sermon like the following wasn’t preached to me when I was five or ten or twenty or forty-years-old. I can say I heard it today.